Heaven

"Heaven" jumped out at me today, reminding me of a fellow postulant from my diocese who is attendeding another seminary, who kept telling people on the Standing Committee and Commission on Ministry when we were at convention last month that every morning since she'd been at seminary, she "woke up feeling like she was in heaven." I felt very annoyed after I'd heard that for about the ninth time, because that had not been my experience at all.

I really relate to the recent posts of Brian and Steve...I thought it would be different here, but I know so much of the problem is ME, my ego; wanting to get As, but not wanting to make the sacrifices necessary to get them...for example, I intend to stay married; I enjoy having conversations with people at school; I love the committees on which I serve--I don't want to give any of that up. Still, it always does feel I could work harder; check e-mail less; something. But I am "busy" every minute...I walk to school, but usually have my nose in Hebrew flashcards. When I dry my hair, I read a book. I really don't think this is the way God intends me to answer a call. And, as I have said many times but it doesn't sink in, I honestly believe that God doesn't give a rat's patootie if I get an A or a B.

But I still care...arrrgh.