Trespass!!!

I love the spirit of this. We have this daily collection of reflections that demonstrate a small people seeking out the divine. There is such a variety and maybe it is not so important that we see all things the same maybe it is that we are willing to walk together.

I hear this "antiquated" prayer in my sleep. For me it is a source of strength and the call to drop the worldly cares of envy, pride, anger, covetness to again refocus on the God of our understanding. I have been raised on it. I belong to a community of two million strong spiritual misfits who close every gathering with this prayer.

In the past 24 hours I have my hands full of trespass. I was confronted by one of my classmates as having caused that person "a grievous trespass". I was tempted to fall into this particular attack and ready to take it on. My pattern is to allow persons full privilege into my person which sends me immediately into the feeling that I must have done something wrong. I come from a long line of worriers. Grace however showed up. I prayed. Something new came. Instead of receiving the trespass I found that I could sidestep it. I did not have to take the trespass on when I was not in error. It was liberating. I could allow my classmate to rage if he liked. I was not responsible. Normally (and I hope now abnormally) I would of bristled with defensiveness, defended my position, and in the process created a worse situation in which I would probably have to make amends. I almost went there automatically. Sitting in the emotion that was triggered was painful. By not reacting I found that it was not so much this attack that was really bothering me but the memories of my teen years and the bullying I would not defend myself from as a kid. I was not taught to really love myself enough as a kid to defend myself from people I thought were "friends". I never really knew that I had the choice to remove myself from critical persons. So there it was sitting there like an emotional volcano. Had I reacted I would have never given myself time to discover that. And it really wasn't me. It was grace that allowed me to hold my tongue yesterday because I was ready at that moment to trade one trespass for another.

By sidestepping it, I let my brother own his own anger and I can work on not creating new trespasses. Now I can do the work of prayer. Instead of creating new hurt I can now pray for my brother in Christ having not made the situation worse. I also find myself praying for the "friends" of long ago. I can forgive them seeing that I was also responsible for allowing them to target me. I had let them cross my boundaries. I no longer need to anymore. There is freedom in Christ!

"Forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."