visited upon the third and fourth generation

Wednesday night, I called my parents to tell them I had essentially made my seminary decision. I had received my acceptance letter from my second choice school, and came to the realization that, practically, I could not afford my first choice. And, so, I'll be remaining in Louisville another three or four years.
I struggle with my parents. There are times when it seems like roles have been reversed; I see how my life could have been different if my parents had made choices that were a little more responsible. I could see this same pattern coming out in my conversations with my mother, as I was coming to this decision. Whenever I brought up the subject of staying her for school, she would encourage me "not to settle." It's as if, when I was trying to make the practical decision, she was withdrawing her support, even though I really didn't see a way to make my first choice school happen.
This is how I see iniquities being passed on through generations. I have become at times too independent and self-reliant, in part because my mother isn't always particularly dependable. Her tendencies are a reaction to the criticisms of her mother, who can be biting. My grandmother's character was shaped by the demands of her father. And so, patterns develop from generation to generation, as we react to the environment we are raised in. It's not a matter of vengeance, but of behavioral nature.